Why did I stay? I used to yell to the women on Oprah, Why would you stay? I had options. I had a family who loved me, who would take care of me if I left. I wasn’t married to him nor did we have children together. The only tie we had was the business, and on paper we owned it fifty/fifty. Why put up with this? What is wrong with you?

I don’t have a good answer. Not a logical one, only emotional answers. When I fell in love with him, I fell too far to get out on my own. Maybe this was the “has difficulty functioning in a way society accepts as normal” part of my borderline personality. I saw the abusive Truth as an imposter, and the real Truth, the one I loved, was locked somewhere inside. If I tried hard enough, loved deeply enough, I could find him. I might even say – rescue him. 

As my self-esteem began to shatter, it became impossible to put me back together, and shattered young women do not make the best rescuers. When Truth exploded, along with the hitting, he threatened me with much worse actions if I didn’t stay in line. “I’ll kill you; I’ll kill your entire family.” The threats felt even more painful than when he laid hands on me; eventually the physical abuse came only in spurts – maybe once or twice one month then no flair ups for a few months. He had learned how to control me without it – just a look would be enough.

During the abuse, I split myself into many different parts. Time stretched and molded to fit my needs. The tiniest expression of love or moment of joy – a good night – expanded like a rubber band into a whole month. The moments of greatest fear and terror collapsed into a blink of the eye. I became author of my own fictional tale. I used my imagination to create a portrait of a livable life. If you keep your eyes closed and your mouth shut, you can exist forever in that state. If you saw me on the street and asked how I was doing. I would smile and say fine. I’m doing just fine. If you weren’t really paying attention, you would believe me.

Sometimes during our worst fights, everything seemed to happen in slow motion, and an orchestral score played in the background. The strings increased in intensity as I retreated away from him, the beating of the percussions as he followed me, the flutes as I tried to calm him, as his hands met my body, the crescendo hit with symbols clapping together at the finale of a symphony. 

I heard the music we listened to in my dreams as two cultured, mature adults in love and enjoying the arts. As I reached up to my face or back or stomach or chest to feel the damage, I heard the audience applauding, jumping to their feet with a standing ovation. Bravo! Bravo! Tears started to pour out of me, and the rest of the audience, inspired by the music. The show had ended, and as the sophisticated, art-appreciating couples walked to their cars to begin talking about how the music reminded them of this or that, Truth came to me and apologized. He didn’t mean for it to go this far. His most vulnerable expressions to me came directly after his explosions. How everything felt wrong. How he shouldn’t let stress do this to him. How it would never happen again.

Diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder, Amy struggled with depression and an addiction to sharp objects. Even hospitalization didn't help to heal her destructive tendencies. It took a tumultuous relationship with a man named Truth to bring her back from the depths of her own self-made hell.Amy's marriage to dark, intriguing Truth was both passionate and stormy. She was a fair-skinned southern girl from New Orleans. He was a charming black man with tribal tattoos, piercings, and a mysterious past. They made an unlikely pair, but something clicked. During their early marriage, they pulled themselves out of abject poverty into wealth and financial security practically overnight. Then things began to fall apart.

 Passionate and protective, Truth also proved violent and abusive. Amy’s own self-destructive tendencies created a powerful symmetry. His sudden death left Amy with an intense and warring set of emotions: grief for the loss of the man she loved, relief she was no longer a target for his aggression.

Conflicted and grieving, Amy found herself at a spiritual and emotional crossroads, only to receive help from an unlikely source: Truth himself. Feeling his otherworldly presence in her dreams, Amy seeks help from a famous medium.

Her spiritual encounters change Amy forever. Through Truth, she learns her soul is eternal and indestructible, a knowledge that gives Amy the courage to pursue her own dreams and transform herself both physically and emotionally. Her supernatural encounters help Amy resolve the internal anger and self-destructive tendencies standing between her and happiness, culminating in a sense of spiritual fulfillment she never dreamed possible.

An amazing true story, What Freedom Smells Like is told with courage, honesty, and a devilishly dark sense of humor.

Buy Now @ Amazon

Genre – Memoir

Rating – PG-13

More details about the author

Connect with Amy Lewis through Twitter

Website www.WhatFreedomSmellsLike.com

How do you work through self-doubts and fear?

When I’m writing I am very intentional in creating a safe, creative zone to work from. I come from a theater background, and I remember learning early on that the stage was a place of safety and creative freedom where there was no room for self-doubt or judgment. I try to mimic that in my writing space. I do not think with a critic’s mind when I’m in that zone. It feels amazing and free – no editing allowed. This helps a great deal with keeping my fears from creeping into my work. When the work is ready to go out, well, then I must say I do have to contend with those fears. I have not found a way to get rid of self-doubt at that stage, but I think that’s part of being a creative artist.

What scares you the most?

What scares me most is not leading the life I was meant to live. I do believe we all have a purpose, certain gifts that we are meant to express in this life. The universe wants to see our own unique flower blossom, and while that sounds beautiful, I’m keenly aware of how hard it can be to allow yourself to bloom. Your flower might not look anything like what you thought it would, or what you wanted it to look like, or what your family or town or community wants it to look like. The courage to first discover and then be who you really are is no small thing.

What makes you happiest?

Stillness makes me happy. Slowing down makes me happy. Watching my daughter sleep and hearing her howl with laughter when I tickle her. Sitting under the stars with my best friend and feeling immense gratitude for his presence in my life. Dancing makes me insanely happy, Expressing emotions that have no words but come out in movement. Spending time with people that get me. Being around boldness and creative energy.

What’s your greatest character strength?

This one is not so easy and clear as my weakest trait. I’ve been told by many people that I have a great deal of courage – I’m ballsy. I’m an Aries so I have that strong, I’ll go first and I’m not afraid of anything energy. I can definitely see that trait in me, but I can also be very timid so it almost feels like a toggle switch that is either on or off. I also have a very strong awareness of my emotions and what I’m going through at any given moment (thanks to years of therapy, acting classes and a masters in spiritual psychology).

What’s your weakest character trait?
I have very little patience. In fact, I don’t even have the patience for this question. It’s been like this all my life. I blame it on the stars. Seriously. So many tasks, challenges, and goals I gave up on too soon because I didn’t see any early success. I would like to say I’m working on this but I’m not. I don’t know even know where to begin. Perhaps there’s a support group?

Why do you write?

I write for many reasons. Pure selfish self-expression is one reason. I write sometimes to discover where I am at psychologically speaking. I feel like I can move energy when I write and in doing so heal. I write stories to perform on stage. I write to tell people’s stories who might not have been heard. I write because it feels alive to be living in a story and not know where it will take me.

What motivates you to write?

Creativity equates to aliveness. It’s where anything is possible. And when I write, I feel alive. The irony is that my mind is necessary for me to write but I prefer to write as if I’m out of my mind. And by mind I mean my inner-critic, the judging, non-life affirming part of me.

Diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder, Amy struggled with depression and an addiction to sharp objects. Even hospitalization didn't help to heal her destructive tendencies. It took a tumultuous relationship with a man named Truth to bring her back from the depths of her own self-made hell.Amy's marriage to dark, intriguing Truth was both passionate and stormy. She was a fair-skinned southern girl from New Orleans. He was a charming black man with tribal tattoos, piercings, and a mysterious past. They made an unlikely pair, but something clicked. 

During their early marriage, they pulled themselves out of abject poverty into wealth and financial security practically overnight. Then things began to fall apart.Passionate and protective, Truth also proved violent and abusive. Amy’s own self-destructive tendencies created a powerful symmetry. His sudden death left Amy with an intense and warring set of emotions: grief for the loss of the man she loved, relief she was no longer a target for his aggression.

Conflicted and grieving, Amy found herself at a spiritual and emotional crossroads, only to receive help from an unlikely source: Truth himself. Feeling his otherworldly presence in her dreams, Amy seeks help from a famous medium.

Her spiritual encounters change Amy forever. Through Truth, she learns her soul is eternal and indestructible, a knowledge that gives Amy the courage to pursue her own dreams and transform herself both physically and emotionally. Her supernatural encounters help Amy resolve the internal anger and self-destructive tendencies standing between her and happiness, culminating in a sense of spiritual fulfillment she never dreamed possible.

An amazing true story, What Freedom Smells Like is told with courage, honesty, and a devilishly dark sense of humor.

Buy Now @ Amazon

Genre – Memoir

Rating – PG-13

More details about the author

Connect with Amy Lewis through Twitter

Website www.WhatFreedomSmellsLike.com

What are you most proud of in your personal life?

MY SON

What books did you love growing up?

A.A.MILNE, ANYTHING ILLUSTRATED BY N. C. WYETH, DOCTOR DOOLITTLE, MR. POPPER’S PENGUINS, E. B. WHITE

Who is your favorite author?

COLUM MCCANN

What book genre of books do you adore?

MEMOIR

What book should everybody read at least once?

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

Is there any books you really don’t enjoy?

CELEBRITY AUTOBIOGRAPHIES

What do you hope your obituary will day about you?

I JUST HOPE MY NAME IS SPELLED RIGHT

Location and life experiences can really influence writing, tell us where you grew up and where you now live?

I GREW UP IN VIRGINIA WHERE THE WINTERS WERE TOUGH, THE SUMMERS LONG, HOT AND HUMID AND THE PEOPLE RICH IN SPIRIT. I CURRENTLY LIVE IN CT WHERE THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY IS JUST ABOUT BEHIND EVERY TREE

How did you develop your writing?

I’VE ALWAYS TRIED TO LISTEN FOR THE DIALOGUE AND STORY LINE RATHER THAN MANUFACTURE IT. I ALSO TRIED MY HARDEST TO LISTEN TO CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, “CONSTRUCTIVE” BEING THE OPERATIVE WORD.

Where do you get your inspiration from?

THAT WHICH I HEAR AND SEE

What is hardest – getting published, writing or marketing?

FOR ME MARKETING IS BY HARD THE HARDEST. I AM NOT A PERSON WHO CAN PROMOTE HIMSELF EASILY. IN FACT IN THE PAST IN MY MARKETING EFFORTS I’VE USUALLY DONE MYSELF MORE HARM THAN GOOD!

( TO WATCH THE OFFICIAL HD TEASER FOR “The Other Side of The Ice” [book and documentary] PLEASE GO TO: VIMEO.COM/45526226) 

A sailor and his family’s harrowing and inspiring story of their attempt to sail the treacherous Northwest Passage.

Sprague Theobald, an award-winning documentary filmmaker and expert sailor with over 40,000 offshore miles under his belt, always considered the Northwest Passage–the sea route connecting the Atlantic to the Pacific–the ultimate uncharted territory. Since Roald Amundsen completed the first successful crossing of the fabled Northwest Passage in 1906, only twenty-four pleasure craft have followed in his wake. Many more people have gone into space than have traversed the Passage, and a staggering number have died trying. From his home port of Newport, Rhode Island, through the Passage and around Alaska to Seattle, it would be an 8,500-mile trek filled with constant danger from ice, polar bears, and severe weather.

What Theobald couldn’t have known was just how life-changing his journey through the Passage would be. Reuniting his children and stepchildren after a bad divorce more than fifteen years earlier, the family embarks with unanswered questions, untold hurts, and unspoken mistrusts hanging over their heads. Unrelenting cold, hungry polar bears, and a haunting landscape littered with sobering artifacts from the tragic Franklin Expedition of 1845, as well as personality clashes that threaten to tear the crew apart, make The Other Side of the Ice a harrowing story of survival, adventure, and, ultimately, redemption.

Buy Now @ Amazon

Genre – Memoir, adventure, family, climate

Rating – PG

More details about the author

 Connect with Sprague Theobald on Facebook & Twitter

Website www.spraguetheobald.com

Showtime at the Apollo is the definitive history of Harlem’s world-famous showplace. Home to nearly every great black star including: James Brown, Aretha Franklin, Richard Pryor, Gladys Knight, Michael Jackson, Ray Charles, Redd Foxx, Dizzy Gillespie, Count Basie, Sarah Vaughn and “Bojangles” Robinson, – the theater still hosts contemporary luminaries like The Roots, Mary J. Blige, Chris Rock, Wynton Marsalis and Whoopi Goldberg. Numerous performers relate their own poignant, exciting and sometimes hilarious stories. Some 150 photographs – many never before published – are interspersed throughout.

For African-Americans, the Apollo was the greatest black theater, and a special place to come of age. For whites – including Elvis Presley and the Beatles – the Apollo was as close as they could come to the reality of the black experience.

Still thriving, the Apollo has exerted an unprecedented influence upon popular culture. Since 1934, the Apollo has been at the forefront of African-American music, dance and comedy. It’s legendary Amateur Night spawned countless stars. Renowned for having the world’s toughest and most appreciative audience, it is the place where, as Dionne Warwick says in the book,

“Everyone gave their best performance".

"The essential book, mandatory for the most casual student as well as the most ardent fan." – David Hinckley, Daily News

"Ted Fox made the Apollo come alive for me again."– Jerry Wexler, co-founder of Atlantic Records

"Ted Fox mows through the 20th century's mind blowing cavalcade of segregation byproduct, inhumanity producing creative transcendence. The survivors of the era provide Fox with a front-line document." - Raoul Hernandez, Austin Chronicle

"A wonderful book." – Tavis Smiley, National Public Radio

"I could almost feel and taste the Apollo again." – Doc Pomus, classic songwriter

"The definitive history of Harlem’s (and black America’s) essential theater." – New York Magazine

"Showtime at the Apollo is not only a history of that wonderful theatre, but also a fascinating insider’s view of the Harlem music scene." – John Hammond, legendary producer and talent scout

TED FOX is also the author of In The Groove a collection of interviews with men who have shaped the music industry. He produces and manages Grammy-winner Buckwheat Zydeco and lives in upstate New York.

Showtime at the Apollo by Ted Fox

Amazon Kindle US

Rating – PG

Genre – Music History & Criticism

4.8 (7 reviews)

Free until 24 January 2014